Trick #1: Haunted House of Horrors – alias House of Quality

Force decision makers into the same dark room for four days and ask them to discuss 25×25 matrices in all the details aligning on rating between zero and ten. Allow two minutes discussion per cell and you will have 20 hours of distressing debates. As a result, all discussion will either lead to alignment and open horror or will be buried in oblivion.


Trick #2: Neck-wrecking Grid – alias Hoshin Kanri X-Matrix

Translate a 5-year plan (Soviet style) into specific metrics and then map all the current projects from the site or division to it. The neck-wreck trick: Use the vertical-text option in your spreadsheet software to make sure all executives get into advanced Yoga positions. If the exercise lasts long enough, they will keep their head horizontally or even carry it under the arm.


Trick #3: Design of Extremes with Factorial Freaks – alias Design of Experiments

You want to run countless experiments resulting into fluffy useless mini monster? All it takes you in your monster lab is missing the most important influence factors and never going to extreme settings. But, watch out: This is not for wimps! If you are brave enough and go to the extremes, scary zombies will show up: Real insight might be even more shocking.


Trick #4: Immemorial Wall Decorations – alias Value Stream Map

You are looking for eternal wall decorations covered in spider webs to bring the real spirit of Halloween into your rooms? What could be more fitting than the relict of a value stream map sticking to these five criteria to guarantee it is for sure non-value added:

  1. Done as a one-off exercise
  2. Created ages ago
  3. All steps mapped really detailed and complemented with precise data, deader than dead
  4. Showing no clear purpose
  5. Never being used for any improvement

    Feel the monstrosity of wasted times now gone forever: What a bloody shame!


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